Thoughts

Claire inspired me. I want to write my thoughts. I don't necessarily think everyone really needs to read what I am thinking about. But, this is a good place to write, and you ARE welcome to read.

• I watched Charly tonight, by myself. 2 Things. 1. I need a movie watching buddy, its not as fun watching them alone. 2. This movie ceases to amaze me, on its ability to bring me to tears. Everytime. I think because its so real. I think one of my biggest fears is to have my husband die. I know we'd be reuninted, because I really do believe in FOREVER. But, how hard of a life, raising children alone, having to support yourself...
• I learned how to make 'clicks' this week. Seriously though, I did. I love what I am studying. Everything else that all those other people learn about is so boring.
• Did you know that every cell has 6 ft of DNA? 6 ft! Its true. But, I kind of am becoming fascinated by our bodies. How can people see everything the human body does, how everything works and NOT believe that their is a God.
• Birgit posted some pictures from the Faschingfest, I think it was a ward activity. I wish I could have been there. Matthi is getting so big. So is Jono. I miss those boys (that family) like crazy.
• I have brown hair. I think everyone knows by now, cause it has been over a week. But I do. I actually love it. I love my blonde hair too, but I love having change. (At least a little bit). I love the shock factor, I didn't do it for anyone else, but its still fun to hear peoples thoughts and comments about it. Except. I hate the comment "did you dye your hair?"--- of course I dyed it you doofus, I can't exactly just wake up one day and have my hair 12.3 shades darker!
• Also, please watch this video. You might not think its funny, but I think its amazingly hilarious. "Why is this happening to me... is this gonna be forever?" So great.
• It is 7:40 and I am ready for bed. Actually, I have to watch 2 Nachrichtens, which I WILL do. BUT, I cannot even imagine staying up for 4.5 more hours which would be my normal bed time. What am I going to do with myself for that long?

That is all. Have a wonderful night. Please. And thank you.

Decisions

In 5th grade my teacher would force us to make decisions. Instead of the normal, "I don't care" or "I don't know" response we would just have to decide upon something. That school year has been the only time in my life that I have been good at making decisions. At the beginning of the school year it was quite a struggle for me. Why didn't he just understand that I really didn't care and I would be fine with either choice A or choice B? Though, if I was really impartial to both choices, and I would be "happy" with the outcome of both choices, then of course I could just chose one right? So, somewhere in that time I was succesful. I was making my own decisions, and not just about things in my 5th grade class, I was even making decisions in my normal life too!

Why can't I just make decisions?! I seriously even hate making the stupid little decision everyday like, how am I going to do my hair today, what shoes do I wear today, usw. So how am I supposed to easily make the other types of decisions. There are the decisions that are still of no consequence, almost as unimportant as what clothes to wear, but then there are those decisions that are actually for something important!

Decisions that actually effect people besides myself. I hate these types of decisions more than any other choices placed in front of me. Even if its something like should we eat at Taco Bell or Wendys tonight? or should we go bowling or go to a dollar movie? COME ON AIM, these should still be such simple things to decide, you'll probably still all be happy no matter what happens. But what if, what if I accidentally choose something that the other person/people hate. That would crush me. Especially because I'm sure they wouldn't tell me they were unhappy with my decision, they would just be so grateful that I finally decided something. Right? That is so pathetic.

I don't make these choices. I avoid them as often as possible. I don't want to risk picking something that the other part of the party isn't okay with. I know its silly. But. Listen to my plea, if I really am neutral with regards to the options placed in front of me (which I SWEAR is the case 90, okay 75% of the time) then can't YOU please just decide because you are much more likely to have an opinion than I am. And, if you have an opinion, I would MUCH rather do what you want to do. Even if I may have been SLIGHTLY leaning towards one option, I'd rather have YOU completely happy. If you're happy, then I will be happy.

But seriously, I've got some big decisions coming up in my life. And they mostly only affect me. But in the long run they could alter the lives of those most important to me.

1. I turn 21 in just over 6 months. Which means I could start mission papers.... NOW. And, I could have them turned in May 9th. 100 days right? That TOTALLY freaks me out.

2. I've finally declared my major. Linguistics. The plan is to minor in TESOL. But really, what I want to do is speech therapy. With speech therapy you have to get your masters degree. a. Do I REALLY want to put myself through 2 more years of school? b. Where in the world would I go to school to get my masters? At BYU you need about a 3.8. I am NOWHERE near a 3.8 c. Do I minor in ComD? Because maybe that would help me get into the masters program having some experience with it... And, do I get a minor in GERMAN?! I feel like I've taken tons of Deutsch classes and that I'm really close to the minor, but in all honestly I need to take like 5 more classes for it. That's like a whole semester. I know I don't want to forget what I know with German, so my only option may be to take more classes.

3. Do I live in Provo this summer? I had an interview for a job today. I'll find out in the morning if I get it. If I get it then I have to stay this summer. If I don't get it I'm hoping I'll get hired at APX, but I'm sure they would want me to stay for the summer as well. I guess that decision is basically made for me then.

Decisions decisions decision. I wish everything could just be easy. And I wish I could know what I'm supposed to do everyday of my life, to head on the right track for school, for careers, for a mission, for meeting my future husband. But I guess that is why we are placed on this earth isn't it? To try, to go forward with faith that it'll all work out. And we'll fail sometimes. But we'll learn from those mistakes. And we'll go forward again.

Can I just say that I am grateful for agency? I really am. Which brings me to being so grateful that OUR Savior came to this earth for us. Instead of the opposition. Satan wanted to MAKE us all choose the right. That way of course we'd be on the right path, the path we were "supposed" to be on.

I just hope I am choosing the RIGHT. But, I know that the Lord will tell me if I start going too far down the wrong road. Thank goodness.

25 things all about me

1. I can lick the bottom of my nose. I can lick my elbows. No, its not impossible.
2. Zinnias are my favorite flower. I’m not really sure why, but I love them. Maybe because when I was younger my mom let Anthony and I each pick a type of flower seed to plant. I chose zinnias, he chose carnations. I think I’ve loved them since.


3. I got my drivers license when I was 18 years old. My parents bribed me with 1000$ if I waited till I was 18 to get my license. Plus, it saved me insurance money, and the money for behind the wheel lessons.
4. I’ve never gotten a ticket. It probably helps that I’ve only been driving for about 2 and a half years. And, I’m only home for about 4 months out of the year, which now would add up to 12 months of driving. Plus a little bit here and there on the side with Janthony’s car.
5. I hate making decisions. Especially when it effects other people. Even if there is something I would SLIGHTLY prefer, I’d rather make sure the person I’m with is completely happy, so I want them to choose.
6. I hate when people are upset with me. I hate it more than anything. I love making other people happy, and if find out I disappointed someone or hurt their feelings it breaks my heart. I especially am bothered when someone is mad at me for no reason.
7. My favorite color is pink. Almost anyone can guess that by my lack of other colors when it comes to some of my accessories. I hardly wear any pink clothing though. But yes my backpack, duffle bag, lap top, lap top case, headphones, umbrella, etc. are pink.
8. I really want to go sky diving someday. It is something I just HAVE To do before I die.
9. Lake Powell is one of my favorite places on the planet. Its been years since I’ve been there. But those weeks every summer when I was younger are some of my fondest memories. Cliff jumping, tubing, knee boarding, learning to water ski, swimming, washing myself in the lake, getting sun burned, getting bit by red ants, killing rattle snakes, fishing, launching illegal fireworks. It also doesn’t hurt how warm the water is, or that its gorgeous with its looming red rock cliffs. (obviously this isn't me, its Anthony and Shane. But look sweet it is!)
10. I love going to concerts. I haven’t been to a good one since last year, I think the last one was a Limbeck concert on Valentine’s Day. Though, I have gone to a couple of fun shows at Velour recently.
11. Someday I NEED to hear Sherwood in concert, because 1. I’ve heard its amazing 2. I love them and 3. I tried once and our stupid tickets had the wrong start time for the concert.
12. I just counted and I only have 28 more days of class this semester. 28! Don’t be fooled though, it is 73 days till the last day of finals. And honestly, I don’t really care how fast the end of the semester comes. I just want it to be WARMER.
13. For once in my life (okay, so maybe its happened before) I love all of my classes. A couple of them are killer and hard as heck, but I STILL love them. I love the subject matter of all of them (phonology not QUITE as much, only cause I don’t totally understand it always), I love what I am studying, I love what I am learning and I even love (like?) the people in my classes.
14. Phonetics is my favorite class. I love going to class and learning about different things that I, or others, do in the English language, and why we do it. I love learning about the different dialects, with vowel variation, or the different pronunciations of . Today we learned about intonation. Did you know that if you give all your sentences a ‘rise’ you will sound like a valley girl?
15. I take everything I learn in Phonetics, and listen to how people “in real life” talk, and yes, I judge them. I know I don’t speak perfectly, I even say mountain as /maʊnʔn̩/ (both vowels are nasalized) most of the time. But, I still loving hearing the different ways people say things. I hate that some people don’t distinguish between feel and fill, or pin and pen, and other things like that. Stinkin’ vowel mergers.
16. The people in my family are my favorite people in the world. My parents, Anthony, Jana especially. But I love my grandparents and all my cousins, and aunts and uncles so much too! I love when we have get togethers with all our family. So hectic, and so fun.


17. My favorite food is chicken enchiladas. I like to eat almost anything with chicken. It is just so tasty. BBQ chicken and chicken parmesan are also on the top of my list of foods to eat.
18. I tried escargot once. I even swallowed it, though it made me gag at least 6 times on its way down.
19. I declared my major as ‘Linguistics’ about 2 weeks ago. I decided about a year ago it was what I wanted to study, but I had to take the intro class to make sure, and after it was finished I wasn’t back in Utah till now. My emphasis with Linguistics has slightly changed in the past year.
20. I want to be a speech therapist. Or an ESL teacher. Or an ASL interpreter. And of course a mother, most of all a mother.
21. I like to pretend I can speak German. I like to pretend I can sign too. I AM learning though. Or as nicely stated by Braden, I am perfecting the both of them.
22. I want my future children to be at least bilingual. I just have to 1. Learn better German first and 2. Decide if I can manage to speak to them in German while teaching them American sign language as babies.
23. I have been to all 50 states, and (I think) 20 countries. I love traveling. New Zealand is on top of my list of places to visit next.
24. I lived in Vienna, Austria for almost 4 months. To date those are my favorite 4 months of my life. I would love to adopt the Greindl’s (the family who I lived with) and keep them forever. Also, I want to keep the friends I made while I was there forever, those from Austria as well as the girls (and boys) studying there with me.
25. I absolutely LOVE life. I have almost nothing to complain about right now, so why do it. If you catch me complaining, please remind me that I am so blessed and so happy right now (and always).