Saturday, May 30, 2009


i've always got the buggies. it takes a while to get comfortable, and so you've got to adjust till you get there. and then you get a random itch on your leg, then your arm, then your toe. bah.

i'm so content right now. i'm sitting outside on my "porch" listening to crickets chirp. and blogging. its slightly chilly, but i've got a blanket on my legs for that. theres an itch on my right AND left thigh. maybe its from bug bites. about 12 bugs flew into different parts of my face today on my bike ride. ashlee and i rode down to utah lake. i wonder how many miles that is? i'll definitely be taking my camera next time. it was soooo beautiful. a gorgeous day, with a curvy trail, grandiose mountains, and a beautiful destination of the lake.

the end. its way past sleepy time.


Thursday, May 28, 2009


i love stanley to death.
we can just go out for a ride.
and its so refreshing.
plus, its good exercise.
i especially love riding/coasting down hills.

last friday ash and i went for a ride with stan and rox to cafe rio. it was delicious. and a great ride.
Stan Stan and I

Ash and I

Ashlee and Roxanne
Yummy Cafe Rio

Mmmmmm mmmm
Roommies :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

here we come

i'm in california right now.
and its so glorious.
i got so toasted today.
my front side and my back.
i'm excited for it to turn into tan.
and my hair is getting blonder too.
i love love love the beach.
and california.

more to come later :)

Saturday, May 16, 2009


BRAND NEW DAY by Joshua Radin

Some kind of Magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down on me
And bathe's me in it's light
I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask
It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok
Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
Most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Ya you make your past your past
It’s a brand new day
The sun is shinning
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok
This cycle never ends
Gotta fall in order to mend
And it’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
For the first time
In such a long long time
I know
I’ll be ok

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

thank you joshua radin, for singing just what i've been feeling.

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
I take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

This song came on, just after.
I haven't cried since that night.
But I wish I could. Cry again.
I think it would be a nice refresher.


And I know it's easy to say
But it's harder to feel this way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call

That's all. Exactly.
My mind likes to wander. Wherever it pleases.
No matter how much I try to avoid those thoughts.
I can't make the call. I wish you would.
I miss you. I really do.


I’ve been down this road before
So the best thing
I can give to you
Is for me to go
Leave you alone
You got growin up to do

I like to pretend that THAT is a good excuse.
For things not being just the way I want them to be.
At least its what I keep telling myself.
In my almost 21 years of life, I still haven't grown up enough.

I can't make my own decisions.
I can't stop biting my finger nails.
I can't not procrastinate my school work till the last second possible.
There are a lot of things I can't do.
But don't be fooled.

There are a lot of things I can do too.
*I can live in a foreign country, where I hardly speak the language. I can get myself where ever I want and need to go. I can grocery shop, along with any other kind of shop. I can learn to communicate with the people, and I can learn to love them with my WHOLE heart.
*I can take care of myself. I can cook myself food. I can clean my room and apartment. I can wash my own clothes. I can live alone.
*I can attend college. I can enjoy it. I can enjoy learning, and attending my classes. I can get my homework and reading assignments finished on time. I can get good grades.


The things in my head
You used to admire
In your sundrenched world
I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
I think I might be the one in the 'sundrenched world'.
But its better to be optimistic, rather than pesimistic, isn't it?
I really don't know what to do with myself.
At this point in my life. What do I do next?
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."
Thanks Dory, I'll sure try.

Saturday, May 9, 2009



(on 5/9)
...has the best parents.
...wants to go to the 'fun' concert at the avalon this wednesday. spoiled. excited to ride her new bike. anyone want to join her on a bicycle ride?
...loves joshua radin.
...ate way too food much this weekend. pretending.
...did not take THAT as a compliment.
...loves you. thrilled the baseball team won the series (way to scare us in the 9th today, letting in 5 runs...sike)
...loves flowers. and taking macro pictures of them. glad she's started reading her scriptures again.

(on 5/11)
...hasn't finished all her reading for tomorrow's classes. or the assignment for hum. oops.
...has an interview tomorrow. wish her luck.
...named her bike, Stanley. he's my best man now.
...hiked the Y tonight for FHE.
...burnt her back today.
...loves summer time!
...met new friends in the ward.

(on 5/13)
...'s heart is achey. sad that stanley has a flat. and she needs a ride to costco to fix him.
...loves arrested development
...'s back is itchy. and achey when she gets dressed and wears her backpack.
...has decided to grow her finger nails out. hopefully she can do it.
...has a paper due tomorrow. of course she hasn't started it either.
...misses you.
...loves music again. mostly.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


it must be true. i must be cursed.
i get something good going and it never gets past THAT. good.
i blame myself, not necessarily because how i am IN the situation,
but for getting myself THERE in the first place.

my PB says it'll happen at the RIGHT time.
i guess i'm just not to that time yet.
i'm probably TOO immature.
i probably need to learn more about MYSELF first.

here i go on a trail of self recognition. SELF CONFIDENCE.
making MY OWN decisions. for myself.
then maybe someday i'll get to THAT time.
unfortunately, it appears its not today.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Best Friends

I was walking home from campus tonight and because I was thinking about how Alden has a best friend in Rich, it made me realize that I really don’t have a BEST friend. I ran names though my mind of the people who I care so much about, the people who care about me, the ones I trust, and enjoy their company… Claire, Ali, Elise, Alyssa, Bethany, Carlie, Mckinlee, Emily, Kelsey, Scott, Tolson, Anthony, Mom, Dad, (of course there are even more people than these that I love so much as well)… but I can’t name any of them as my BEST friend.

Claire Bear and I have had so many wonderful times. I feel like I can trust this girl with ANYTHING. We went through so much together in Wien, with missing home, and boys, and just all the great times we had together traveling though Europa, hiking in the Alps, speaking German, sharing beds, eating two breakfasts and many more. We still have fun together, but not near enough, of course she's usually pretty busy with that cute boy of hers.

Ali Face was my beloved roommate this last semester, and well, it just doesn't feel as great having this big room to myself as I hoped. Ali was with Scott pretty often, but she'd come home every night and we'd have chats, about who knows what, EVERYTHING.

Elise and I are planning on living together next year. I love this girl! Even though she CAN be a little overwhelming with how excited she gets about some things, I feel like she honestly loves me, and I'm so grateful for that.

Miss Lyss, my dear cousin Alyssa, I've only seen her a few times this semester, which is NOT enough. But I am still so grateful that I can text her almost whenever I want, and get a friendly response.

Bethany was definitely my best friend in HS. And I loved seeing her when she came up about a month ago, seeing her and that cute little kiddo of hers. It makes me so happy to receive a random phone call from her, just to say hello. We're in such different places of our lives that its not as great as it used to be, but it STILL is great, and we can always remember our fun memories of PK wangsters, and watching Josie and the Pussycats, and going to Church Dances.

Carlie was my best friend senior year, and its mostly because Bethany left to college, but I'm actually grateful for that, it was so fun. We started to bond jr year when the two of us were sick of being in just one group during lunch, and we'd wander around. This girl has gone though some pretty tough times and I'm really glad I was able to be there for some of them. She's lived in Provo this whole semester and I have yet so see her because both of our lack of an auto.

McKinlee was my wonderful Viennese roommate. She is one of the kindest, most caring people, and even though she has so much going for her, she remains a humble person. I am glad I had German with her this last semester, because even with that I still did not see her as much as I would have loved.

Em, and I are retarded cousins. I am her whale. I'm not sure how we became such good friends, we met at Hunter's baptism originally, but we really BONDED freshman year living in Taylor Hall. She is such a crazy, fun and beautiful girl. And she's finally found a guy wonderful enough for her, and in July she's getting married!

Quels and I bonded on the first day of our freshman English Class. I didn't have my ID yet so she bought me a Jamba Juice. We both polevaulted in HS and even like most of the same music. That group summer semester was so much fun, from those in our ward to those in Freshman Academy with us. I I text her a few times last week with out a single response, and I’m not sure if I did something wrong, but I really do miss her. I wish she was here, and I could talk to her, about boys, and just life, and we could watch prison break together, and eat lots of graham crackers and frosting at baseball games together, and just hang out.

Scott is so good to me. When I needed something for my bee stung foot he took me to the store, even though it was Sunday. I'm so grateful that on that random Friday in February I decided to go to lunch with him and Simon, and since then he bought me lunch basically every Friday of the semester. If we hadn't become such good friends I don't know what I would do, he's seriously like the only person I hang out with these days, and I'm so happy for that, even if we have had some awkward times.

Tolson is my best friend, at least thats what I tell him. And I really do believe he is a best friend of mine, but is he THE BEST? He's on a mission, so the whole writing letters and waiting 3 weeks till he gets it and another 3 for a response is getting kind of old. My bracelet from him broke last week, which breaks my heart a little bit. I kind of feel like I hardly know him since we can't really talk anymore, but he writes me a letter basically every week and I'm pretty sure it'll be back to our "normal" chats about everything when he gets back.

Anthony is the best brother a girl could ever ask for. I know that if I ever need anything I can give him a call. I love Jana so much too, and I'm so grateful he picked such a wonderful wife to add to our family, even if it did mean he and I couldn't be best friends anymore.

Mom is the also the best mother a girl could ask for. She's the only person on that list that I really feel like I could call ANY TIME I wanted and she'd be happy to talk to me. Sometimes I do get annoyed of how many questions for details she asks me and the advise she gives me, but of course its only because she cares so much about me.

Daddio is so wonderful to drive 1.5 hours to and from work everyday, to support our little family. He and I aren't able to talk about everything, but before he was working I would call him up on my way home to or from school, and we would just talk, about our lives. He and I haven't always gotten along the best, but I think its really because I am so like him.

I started writing this as a little pity party for myself. Because well, its true, I don't feel close enough with any of these people to call them my best friends, though at one point I could and would have. And I felt bad for myself because I'm wasting my summer away doing NOTHING. Even as I was writing this, I added at least 3 people to this list that I didn't have, and I know I could add more, but these are people I couldn't live without. And I realized I shouldn't complain about anything, these people are the BEST FRIENDS a girl could ever hope for, they're AMAZING and I'm so grateful to have them all in my life!

dancing cousins